Brendan Ryan: What It Feels Like: New and Selected Poems

Canberra: Recent Work, 2025, 245pp.

Brendan Ryan’s poetry has never been especially difficult to read but can be rather difficult to know how to write about. It’s not an uncommon problem and one sees it in writings about someone like Sharon Olds, a much-loved poet who smoothly turns her emotional life into memorable poems. There’s a similar evenness about Ryan’s output whose experimental ventures seldom go further than moving out of the first person into the third. It’s a personal poetry rarely venturing into broad statements about the current loony state of the world. But, paradoxically, it is the focus on the personal – on his upbringing on a western Victorian dairy farm, on family life – that, far from being repetitive or boring, digs deeper and more obsessively as the poetry goes along from book to book. I think he is best seen as someone driven by obsession. This might not have been apparent after his first couple of books, but it’s more clearly seen in this Selected which charts a writing career that has focussed on the same targets but also reveals that there is an individual self which has lived long enough to go through different stages so that the perspective on these subjects changes slightly. At any rate, the intensity of the concerns becomes more apparent.

Looked at literary-historically, Ryan is a late member of a “rural-background” school. I think of his poetry as relating to that of Philip Hodgins, Geoff Page, some of Geoffrey Lehmann and perhaps the Gary Catalano of Remembering the Rural Life. One of Ryan’s books, Small Town Soundtrack, quotes on its cover part of a review by Geoff Page, “His poetry, with its unflinching portrayal of dairy farming and associated small-town life, is surely essential reading for inner-city cafe habitués”. Though it is probably meant jovially, this looks like the final flickering of that old tension between city and bush. The godfather of “rural background” poets is, of course, Les Murray, but his sacralisation of bush and farming life is a long way from Ryan’s poetry. Murray’s great sequence about dairy farming, “Walking to the Cattle-Place”, built with a structure based on indigenous song-poems and deploying Vedic cattle-material amongst much else, is worth comparing to Ryan’s “Walking the Cattle Track” – one of the new poems in this Selected – whose title suggests that a knowing comparison is going on.

Those low sheltered spaces beneath cypress plantations
where grass doesn’t grow and the cattle track
hardens to the consistency of a cricket pitch.
A dry sacramental place where cool air whispers
beneath the outstretched limbs and Friesians sit
chewing, swallowing, eyeing off the day.
. . . . . 
I walk into the past and write into the present.
The fireballs and scorching winds are a kind
of discordant music to the slow lean of a fence.
Memory is a mash-up of longing, forgetting and
what is always there – rustling in a gum tree plantation
thatched hoofprints of cows drying in mud
the illusion of walking on air.

Yes, it’s described as a “sacramental” place but whereas Murray’s sequence is a matter of placing an ordinary event – walking to cattle – in as cosmic and sacred a frame as possible, Ryan’s poem is about the humbler issue of memory. “I walk into the past and write into the present” might well be the signature sentence of this Selected, despite the implication of its title – What It Feels Like – that it will be a book of poems that helps others – no doubt some of them “inner-city café habitués” – to understand what living in a small rural town and working a dairy farm is like at the visceral level: that is, of registering it poetically. The interaction of present life and memories of childhood is one of the driving forces behind Ryan’s poetry. And it isn’t always memories of the rural life. An early poem, “Return to the Western District”, details the experience of revisiting home, a process that reminds him that the Western District is a place of darkness, full of histories that he didn’t know as a child and doesn’t know now. But the poem’s end:

. . . . . 
Each time I return
certain objects are caught:
green algae in a water trough,
a cattle track rising out of river flats.
So much slips from that first glance
I can’t pick up everything that falls.
In the quiet paddocks
that have been shut up for hay
all I can hear are sirens, Punt Rd traffic. . .

can be read as inverting the situation so that it is the memories of the city, his current location, which impose themselves, rather than the reverse. Memory, in other words, isn’t a matter of something from the past brought into the mind in its present state. It is something more like the overlay of two modes of existence which, though they are different, still have a relationship to one another.

So the subjects of Ryan’s poetry don’t really change: a catholic-childhood rural life which determines, at least to an extent, the person he is today; which imposes itself as memories but as memories which reveal how much of that conception of his childhood elides the secret events of the place where he lived; which determines, at least to some explorable extent, the degree to which his present self is created by that childhood, an especially important question given how brutal the dealings of a child on a dairy farm can be. But there is a new element here, one that can be observed in a number of poets whose work details events in their lives: that is the issue of ageing. Instead of a poetry which focusses on a particular subject and which might rise, in the odd case, to the poetically more interesting status of obsession, we get a diachronic perspective. The self changes (or develops, or expands, or contracts) with age and so a basic question like “I am formed by my childhood which I remember constantly, but to what extent?” gets asked by what is becoming a slightly different self. This is the real meaning, I think, behind the statement, “I write into the present”.

It is something we can see in the portrayal of his parents. They first appear in poems of early domestic memories like, “The View” from A Paddock in His Head or “Travelling Through the Family” from the book of that name. Memory tends to be static, to resolve itself as single images: the mother looking out through the window or the father returning from work at an abattoir. But when the book is read as a whole, there is a strong dynamic in such representations: parents get old, get sick and die. In Ryan’s previous book, Feldspar, there are a number of portraits of them in their late phase. In “The Parents”, for example, we have a precise description:

. . . . . 
He steps bow-legged towards the fridge.
A litre and a half of soda water
blister pack of coloured pills

and he is pushing his chair back
from the table, fox-eyed.
My mother reads local newspapers into the night.

Footy scores ignite her. She takes out
her hearing aid to doze, talk on the phone
“Go on with you, you’re a good one to talk.”

My father offers a conspiratorial smile
later, confides, “she’s the best little worker
I’ve known” . . .

By the time of the new poems in this Selected, both parents are dead, “The Roster” detailing his father’s time in palliative care. For the reader who reads this book from beginning to end, it’s an unsettling experience, not to see characters age but to see them move from being static figures in a poem concentrating on a memory to actual human beings near the end of their lives. It’s as though they emerge into the present and into reality through time. And it reflects the tensions at the heart of Ryan’s poetry: memory comes from a “walk into the past” and is apt to “capture” and freeze situations. But people, even poets, live in a continuously evolving present whose keynote is change.

I should say something about the world of Ryan’s childhood, recalled in these poems of memory. It is a dairy-farming life in Western Victoria. For most readers it is likely to be the images of the violence and professional cruelty of this life that stay with us – beating a crippled calf to death in “A Job to Do”, for example – but the overall picture which the poems build up is a very complex one. It’s a devoutly Catholic family, for a start, and one wonders how representative this is and how much it affects the experience. It’s also a world where the humbler end of Australian Rules football is an important source of social cohesion. But more importantly, as many of the poems point out, it is a society of silences and secretiveness. Sometimes this is because parents don’t tell their children awkward facts about what neighbours are up to because they feel that it is inappropriate for children to know such things. But other poems record events which on the outside make little sense. In “The Lowlands of Moyne”, for example, we get a catalogue of these lives, these “dark” stories:

Mud darkening the stories
what’s passed down

utterances, quips
a way of looking at fences

the dark stretches
a scattering of bricks where a dairy was.

Farmhouses facing narrow back roads
wrecks of Commodores dumped in cape weed

beside rusted sheds. Heavy country you could
fatten a bullock with. A mother into farm politics

and the boot-deep mud around her dairy.

There were three brothers who drank day and night
until they killed themselves.

A mother who burned her house down
before leaving her husband . . . 

A semi-comic poem, “She was a Mugavin”, is a rehearsal, perhaps from a mother’s point of view, of an endless series of marriages and name changes.

The hidden quality of the social background means that the memories of childhood are very slightly compromised. They are not able to give anything like enough background to make a complete picture. The book’s title poem, “What It Feels Like”, is a statement that the environment, or the memories of that environment, are always fragmented and incomplete:

It is two fathers punching each other in the footy sheds
shadows extending over the river flats

over the bachelor nursing a long neck on his porch
over the epileptic twisting on the mechanic’s floor.

It is a chorus of crows in the red gums by the river.
It is a woman avoiding loose gravel on the road to her lover . . . . 

The loose gravel on this road reminds us how significant roads are in Ryan’s poetry. They come in two main varieties. First there are the roads that lead back from the city to the farm for one of his revisits. These are roads that awaken memories. Then there are the roads, the back roads – often gravel – of the communities themselves. It may just be a personal response, as someone with a semi-rural upbringing (though a sugarcane one), but this resonates. Back roads, which often lead down to water and which only locals know and use are a powerful image of the rural life. One of Ryan’s best poems, the lengthy “Back Roads, Local Roads” from A Paddock in His Head, explores the phenomenon from the point of view of the method by which locals travel and a revisiting son has his memories stirred, where the “gravel edges” are as “unreliable as the images I cling to // back roads enclosing us like growth rings on a tree”. But these roads are also as a symbol of the behind-the-scenes connections in a rural area: connections that lead to the marriages, outrages and suicides.

“Philip Hodgins” from Travelling Through the Family describes two dreams involving that poet. In the second, the dying Hodgins, challenges Ryan to continue his work of detailing the rural life, a challenge that Ryan feels himself not up to. Ryan seems to me in every sense apart from his material, a different poet to Hodgins who always has a sense of pugnaciousness in his poems, sometimes explicit, sometimes under the surface. Ryan seems, in contrast, a poet of genuine personal obsessions, turning over in poem after poem, the issues of a dairying background and its influence, the role of his parents, their religion, the roles of “footy” and popular music. The keynote to his poetry is, I think, not the rural material but rather the continuous process of revolving in his poems the experience and the significance of the issues about his self that it involves. He is remarkably non-judgemental which is an achievement for someone coming from a place where narky arguing is common (it’s well-described in the poem, “Hard Worker”). Obsession moves him beyond the value judgements and polemical undertones of someone like Murray. This material is so present, so much in the forefront of his mind from day to day, so much in need of exploration, that it makes comparisons and judgements between rural and urban life seem trivial and inappropriate.

Brendan Ryan: Small Town Soundtrack

Santa[sic] Lucia: Hunter Contemporary Australian Poets, 2016, 91pp.

Brendan Ryan’s first book, the strikingly titled Why I Am Not a Farmer, mined the personal experiences of growing up in the West Victorian country north of Warrnambool on a dairy farm. In a sense, reasons for not being a farmer could be said to form the basis of most of the poems, an unlovely catalogue of hardness to humans and, more especially in this book, to animals: dehorning heifers, hauling calves out of cows, watching a bulldozer bury cows which have been burnt alive in a bushfire. It is what nowadays would be called anti-pastoral, a tradition in Australian writing which begins with the great Henry Lawson stories. But what is striking about this first book of Ryan’s, and the subsequent ones, is a lack of the polemical edge which is so much a part of this tradition: there is no sense, in other words, of a narky contempt of one writer for other writers and even for readers. In Lawson, this appears as a loathing of those writers peddling comfortable illusions about the rural life, in early Murray it is a contempt for cosy urban elites who see themselves as superior to those who work on the land with their “sparetime childhoods”. Calmer explorations of this world can be found in some of the poems of Geoff Page and in Gary Catalano’s first book, Remembering the Rural Life, as well as in the poetry of Philip Hodgins. In fact the last of these appears in an important poem in Ryan’s third book, Travelling Through the Family, important because Ryan here does his own positioning of himself within these rural poetic traditions.

“Philip Hodgins” is made out of two dreams about the late poet. In the first Hodgins is seen driving a tractor around the edges of a diminishing square. The process is like mowing but the tractor is harrowing instead, building up lines of dirt. Like a classic Freudian dream it is built on a verbal pun, here on the word “lines”:

. . . . . 
                                     The windrows of dirt
are stopping me from entering the paddock.
I want to ask him about his lines
yet sense that I will never get close to him.
He seems to be on a mission to work the paddock
to its own manic rhythm. I measure my distance,
windrows of dirt brush against me.

In the second dream Hodgins is pointing a shotgun at the poet demanding that he continue the former’s work, naming him, in other words, as an heir. It’s significant that one of the themes of Ryan’s work is the complicated ways in which farmers who have worked unremittingly all their lives have to take a wider view as they age and begin to make plans for some kind of transference of the property after their retirements (a hard step to take for most) or their deaths. Just as Ryan’s poems have, from that first book, tried to explain his reasons for leaving the farm, of not being a conventional heir, so this dream tries to explain the reasons for not taking up Hodgins’ metaphorical baton. It seems to be a matter of that polemical edge, of the directness and bluntness of statement. The second dream is worth quoting in full:

In another dream he is holding a shotgun at me
pointing it between my eyes. He is looking down the barrel.
He seems tired, resigned yet determined.
This is about the time I am writing my thesis
on his poetry. His rhythmic lines intersecting in my head,
His untimely death, direct nature of his address - 
There’s nothing in these dying days
consumes me and I live in two worlds,
grappling for an argument like a rock-climber
who has lost his footing, arms and legs flailing
for a ledge. He is looking down the barrel at me - 
Now it is up to you, to do this work
which confounds me. I am not up to
such direct statement. One of those moments
in a dream where I feel myself sweat,
wake soon after. A dream to burden the day - 
his words, that stare down the barrel.

Perhaps it’s a rejection of a kind of abruptness and directness that derives from certainties. Ryan, perhaps, feels much more equivocal about both farming and poetry. As a reader, one wants to go on speculatively and suggest that perhaps there is a kind of paralysed indecision at the heart of Ryan’s poetry. Though it poses the question of why he left, many times, and seems to continuously circle around issues of how we carry the past within us, how that influences how we act in the other lives we now lead as parents, as city-dwellers, the question never gets answered to the extent that it no longer needs to be asked. To return to the geometry of the first dream, the tractor doesn’t zero in on the last and central section of the paddock but instead circles continuously.

It’s true that the first book flirts with the possibility of mining his childhood experiences and producing a kind of rural version of confessionalism deriving from the weirdness of being one of a Catholic family of ten brothers and sisters working almost continuously on a dairy farm. As Murray says “I can tell you sparetime childhoods force-fed this / make solid cheese but often strangely veined”, and yet, as many critics have observed, you have to stand outside of yourself to get this sort of perspective: you have to have become somebody you weren’t before you realise that the earlier you has a marketable story. I think, again reading speculatively, that Ryan must have realised that there is a directness about the confessional/expose approach to writing about the rural life that didn’t answer to the way that the issues appeared in his own creative life where they act as a generative mechanism that rejects being reduced to certainties. I’m suggesting, in other words, that we might stop positioning Ryan within the complicated maps of poetic pastoralism and think of him, instead, as an obsessive poet, returning again and again to the issues that generate the poetry. The true binary for him might not be rural versus urban but childhood immersion in the immediate world versus adult disenfranchisement. If we take a single event that recurs a number of times in poems throughout the books – the time when his father worked in the knackery and brought the stink of dead animals back to the house in his car and on his clothes – we could say that what is important is not the specific nature of this trauma (fairly mild, on an international scale) but the very fact that it recurs, generates poems, and can’t be purged – a bit like Dickens’ very unrural experience of the blacking factory.

One way of looking at this new book, Small Town Soundtrack, is to see it as widening the way that this central obsession can be explored. It’s in four sections and though the first of these is called “Small Town Pastoral”, it is the title of the first poem, “Outsider Pastoral” which really establishes the key since the section is made up of poems about unease in different situations. That first poem, a little puzzling on first reading, turns out to be a strong piece in which the poet, an expert in the rules of community belonging, enters a pub and observes three regulars. Since the two men are described as possibly mountain men and the woman is expert enough as a hunter to make fun of city-based tourist hunters, the odds are that this is in upland territory. Readers of Ryan will know that his poems about the rural life take place in the “intimidating flatness” of Western Victoria with its occasional blisters of ex-volcanoes – “a moonscape of low-lying paddocks” as a later poem calls it. Although it’s never stated, you have a sense that the landscape in which this pub is set increases the sense of awkwardness that the poem wants to focus on:

. . . . .
One more pot and the glances will extend
into questions.
Where are you from? What are you doing?
Growing up in the country, I learned
there is a line running like a fuse
between here and away,
between the jokes accepted
and the contentions that hold sway.
Is it better to drink with the locals
or rest your foot on the rail bristling
with accusations?
. . . . .

It says something about the hypersensitivities of Ryan’s poetry that the atmosphere which in other, more clichéd poems (and hosts of genre novels), would be heavy with physical threat is marked only by an intense awkwardness. The poet is an expert on belonging and knows the general rules but even rural environments are self-contained. “Grounded Angels” tells the story (part of it repeated in another poem) of the man who buried his mother and then his wife two days later. When he buried his father, his ten year old son

stood in a lounge room
taking in the cousins, the silences
as if the person we had been thinking of

had quietly left the room.
Out of politeness, the boy grinned
as if it was a trick he could call upon.

Of all the images of unease, belonging and not belonging, this is one which stays with me: it’s an exquisitely awkward response on the part of the boy but it also makes sense. (This kind of poem goes back to a group in Why I Am Not a Farmer including the wonderful “Country Parents in Town”). In “Dairy Farmers at the Beach”, we meet father, mother and the children on a brief outing to the coast, another symbol of unease in an alien environment: “For they are an inland people / the beach is a type of joke not to be taken / as seriously as a basket of washing, / shifting the dry cows, or getting ready for Mass” and, in another poem, a man waiting while his wife buys underwear, “happy to be on the outside / as if entering between the bras / could instill a type of vertigo / a paddock he’s not used to”. But the setting is as likely to be urban as it is rural: we meet a single girl at school reading during recess and parents picking up kids. A spell of walking the dog (an activity where the sense of unease is mitigated by the fact that you are in the charge of an animal with its own, different sense of belonging) runs the poet up against an individual who is about as far from belonging as it is possible to be:

. . . . . 
I think of the old man who used to stop me:
I hate this area, I grew up in Geelong West.

The way he waited at the picket fence,
his discontent at 93.

Bare carport, blinds drawn
his liver brown brick veneer

caught in the creep of McMansions.
How did he wash up here?
. . . . .

If the first section is a set of variations on the theme of outsider unease, the second section, “Songs of the Clay Mound”, is built around the idea that, as people age, popular songs move from being something that sets the body dancing to nostalgic doorways into the past. “Where the Music Takes You” is made up of a list of destinations beyond such doorways and “The Music That’s In Us” says, “Songs from pubs and shops leave me ajar // the way snatches of Barry White in the supermarket / can hurl me sideways into a decade”. Songs are not only triggers of a return to an earlier personal world, they can also be portals to an alien world: “Across the Universe” is a fascinating meditation on the way in which John Lennon is part of the poet’s childhood life but he has no part in John Lennon’s life,

The local radio station hammered “Just Like Starting Over” while I squee-jeed the cow shit across the yard and into the drain hole. I often wondered if John Lennon could imagine this was happening. He was somebody I’d grown up with, taken for granted, like a cousin I once fought with . . . . . Central Park was in another universe.

The third section, “Towns of the Mount Noorat Football League”, looks initially like a clever way of organising a set of studies of the towns of the poet’s immediate childhood area. All told it’s a bleak picture of rural decline, “Pubs closed, churches sold, the store’s windows / exposing clumps of unopened mail, upturned / food display cabinets – the end of a town [Garvoc] / or the view of a former self”. But the notion of a Football League is more than just a structuring device because it points up the way in which Australian Rules football (and the same applies, presumably, for Rugby League in outback New South Wales) acts as a unifying agent. As someone devoted to “the round-ball code” I’ve probably been guilty, over the years, of looking down on these other, rather homely versions of football but it’s well to remember what a cohesive force they are, more cohesive than religion since religion has many divisive and combative sects but there is only one Aussie Rules. It’s celebrated in earlier poems like “Saturday Morning” and “Man on the Gate”, where it is “A small town’s investment in belief. / A community finding something to do” and where we meet the image of grounds where cars can park nose to the boundary.

Although the final section of Small Town Soundtrack is less tightly thematically organised than the preceding three, all of the poems chime with Ryan’s earlier poems. It’s true that “Cows in India” and “Shanti Shanti” are brief excursions into a sub-continental exotic but the observer brings, as ever, the paddocks of his own childhood with him: “The first time I saw cows in India / I wanted to round them up. // Yard them, milk them, close the gate / on a paddock, watch them nod along a cattle track. . .” There are poems like “At fifty” which attempt a slightly broader self-definition than those deriving from an obsession with locating the self: “I am still an old punk, / an Indian freak, a farmer’s son / besieged by superannuation, mortgages, infrastructure – / all the dead nouns lining up to be counted”. But perhaps the most intriguing is “Camellias” unusual in that is contains none of Ryan’s habitual tropes. Superficially it is about gardening but at heart, I think, it is a meditation about Ryan’s own poetry. He finds himself picking up some fallen camellias and placing them in a circle around a garden bed made up of salvias, Lamb’s Ears, Grevilleas and a single Manchurian Pear:

The contrast works and I realize it is one of the few
creative acts I have achieved this week -
placing fallen petals around the edge of a garden bed.
. . . 
I will come to notice the camellias in the coming week,
feel the kick as from a recently finished poem - 
something layered in doubt but flickering with surprise,
the way one snake story sheds its skin for another . . .

Not a straightforward allegory about what he thinks his poetry is made up of but it needs to be compared with a similar poem from Travelling Through the Family, “Self Portrait”. That poem speaks of walking ahead “into paddocks and more poems” of “half-succeeding in understanding / yet knowing my limits, self-doubt increasing with age / with rage”. Here the setting and metaphors are rural whereas in “Camellias” they are urban but, when speaking of poetry, they share a tentativeness as though Ryan’s central theme is something that can’t be dealt with definitively, can’t be exhausted.